AlbiaDie.txt

Yet another strange file found in my ancient folder...this one timestamped from June of 2000, though I suspect it's older. Looks like the beginnings of what was supposed to be a creatures story in which the Shee were...less than loving, pretty stupid, and apparently wore tacky clothing:

***
When Albia came to an End

Chapter 1

    One fine day, the Shee council was having a meeting.
"Albia is way too over populated!" one Shee stated. "I'm afraid we'll have to get rid of all the creatures but a few."
    "Oh, but you know those creatures, they breed like crazy if their population gets too low!" Another Shee said. "The only thing to do is wipe out an entire species!"
    "Are you sure that's all we can do?
    "Positive. Now, which species should we wipe out?"
    "Well, the ettins are peaceful and social, lets keep them.
    "And the grendels are nasty, but without them, we would have never won that war years ago!"
    "Do you know what this means?"
    The Shee sighed. "Yes, we'll have to wipe out all the useless, lazy, overeating, wall-bonking, dumb, and annoying creatures. The norns. Tomorrow we'll announce to all shee that all norns seen must be killed."

    The next day, signs were put up all over Albia. If you were there, you would see that the sign in the desert had a picture of a fat golden desert norn eating several pieces of cheese. Next to it was a picture of a starving ettin. It read below, "Kill norns and let ettins have a chance to eat."
The sign near the lake showed a frog norn lazily swimming along, while other creatures worked hard to build houses. The sign read "No work, all play, kill a couple norns today!"
And lastly, the sign in the volcano showed a picture of a norn running into a wall, and other baby creatures getting curious and trying it. This one read, "Norns can have a bad influence on our kids, don't give them a chance, don't let them live." Soon ettins, grendels, and shee were all running around with signs, t-shirts, hats and shoes with pictures of crossed out norns. All shee were given free cyanide and other lethal chemicals. Norn-killing classes for grendels were held, and ettins built traps. The norn-killing craze had begun!

     "Oh Ollie, what are we going to do?" cried Tigera, and adolescent female norn. "Everyone is against us norns, and we can't do anything!"
    "We'll make it through this, somehow." Ollie replied "We survived the grendel raid as babies and the ettin attack as children, I'm sure we can make it though this time!"
    "But they only thing that stopped them from wiping us out was the shee council! And now that they're against us too, I don't know how we'll ever survive! They make us sound so bad, but all those pictures were fake! They drew them! I just don't understand!"

    The two norns walked over to the edge of the lake, and watched the fish swim by. It had been a long, hard day. They had always loved the shee, and thought that they would never do such a thing. But they were wrong. The shee had turned against them, and there was no escape.
    "We got one, Rhama!" A large shee yelled as he stuck the cyanide-filled needle into a norn's arm. Within minutes, the small brown norn was dead.
    "Chica!" Rhama scolded. "You're supposed to catch the norns so we can feed them to our hunting grendels, not kill them!"
    "Aw, come on, they don't need any more! Besides, last time we caught one of those brown ones he found a way to open the cage and they all escaped!
    "Yeah, because YOU didn't give him the sleepy surup."
    "I didn't have any!"
    "Exactly, you forgot to bring it!"
    "You two stop fighting and go catch those two norns near the lake!" a younger shee commanded. They quickly looked around and saw Tigera and Ollie. After running, climbing, and many trips on the lifts, the two norns were finally caught.
    "All that work for two norns!" Rhama exclaimed. "Chica, give me the jar of the Sleepy Syrup and a needle."       
    "Uh-oh" Chica mumbled.
    "Oh brother, you forgot again, didn't you"
    "Well uh..."

    While the shee were busy blaming each other, Tigera and Ollie managed to get out of the cage.
    "Tigera, run for the treehouse lift!" Ollie yelled. They both ran as quickly as they could. When they were inside, Ollie pushed the "up" button as hard as he could. When they finally got up to the tree, they saw the Shee were following them. The two norns knew what to do. They jumped up onto the rope holding the lift up and gnawed as fast as they could. The rope finally snapped, and Ollie and Tigera were saved! Well, stuck was more like it. Although no one could get up the tree, they couldn't get down either.

    "Well, there's enough fruit up here to last us a few centuries!" Ollie exclaimed, looking at the wide range of fruit dangling above their heads. Let's at least make this place homey! So they got to work. The leaves made great beds, and the large fruit seeds were good for toys. When they finally finished, they fell asleep.

To be continued...
****

Obviously, it never was. But it's kind of sad, I almost wish I had. I actually find myself wondering what happened next, heh.

Though those campaign slogans... what the heck. I can just picture Shee parading down the streets, in their anti-norn hats, t-shirts, and shoes, chanting, "No work, all play, kill a couple norns today!" There are no words to describe the extreme eye-rolling going on right now.